Ftrain, by Paul Ford
March 2021
I like being asked!
Having read through the above I do suspect the arrows show...
@adampash @ashleyfeinberg @HeyVeronica Having read through the above I do suspect the arrows show a certain bias towards incorrectness.
➛[checks watch]
[checks watch]
➛3/20–5/20: Everyone is terrified. 6/20–8/20: Everyone is...
3/20–5/20: Everyone is terrified.
6/20–8/20: Everyone is depressed and furious.
9/20–11/20: Everyone is politically enraged and exhausted.
12/20–2/21: Everyone is utterly fried.
3/21–5/21: Everyone is unbelievably, couchlocked high.
➛6/20–8/20: Everyone is depressed and furious.
9/20–11/20: Everyone is politically enraged and exhausted.
12/20–2/21: Everyone is utterly fried.
3/21–5/21: Everyone is unbelievably, couchlocked high.
this is wild
I'm not ready.
Wait there's a GOOGLE podcasts?
ah that was
I mean, I read much of it 20 years ago. It's a Michael Kay...
She is absolutely correct!
This should be doing numbers. I blame the fans.
@SaraJChipps This should be doing numbers. I blame the fans.
➛It's going to be very different in August when someone...
It's going to be very different in August when someone coughs a little on the train and it doesn't ruin your next 10 days.
➛Yep!
Tweet
Juuuust the right number of variables to take over your...
cc @ChappellTracker not your exact aesthetic but an...
cc @ChappellTracker not your exact aesthetic but an extremely specific aesthetic you'll enjoy
➛The Mac paper airplane flight simulator game "Glider" had a...
The Mac paper airplane flight simulator game "Glider" had a robust room editor and glider testing mode.
archive.org/...
archive.org/...
I'm such a snob that I will only watch The Wizard of Vase.
I'm such a snob that I will only watch The Wizard of Vase.
➛I mean your employers can monitor it.
Just a straight up Vegas Wedding of a feature.
Just a straight up Vegas Wedding of a feature.
➛If you try the new “invite anyone to Slack DM” feature be...
If you try the new “invite anyone to Slack DM” feature be mindful that the person you invite will be in your work Slack every day seeing your little green light. Just right there in the office with you. All day. It's incredibly high stakes right out of the gate.
➛Well lots in the academy but fewer in "business." But now...
@mariabustillos @benyt Well lots in the academy but fewer in "business." But now lots and lots going on, I'm not even able to keep up with all the things happening. The Harper's archive drove lots of subscriptions, which always made me proud. I did customer service for every single bug and torn page!
➛Water under the bridge! Their current digital editor...
@mariabustillos @benyt Water under the bridge! Their current digital editor couldn't be smarter OR nicer.
➛That was so long ago that one day I just called the head of...
@rcade @simonowens That was so long ago that one day I just called the head of Google Books on the phone and said "hey curious what you all are up to" and we chatted for an hour.
➛Another year older and deeper in technical debt.
Yerp. This is how half of a platform's content becomes...
Expert mode is really suboptimal for platforms focused on...
The half-life is 87.7 years so I think it's still under...
@NanoRaptor The half-life is 87.7 years so I think it's still under warranty. I'd do it soon, though.
➛It's a really great website and works beautifully!
I'm going to bed but please feel free to stay up as late as...
I'm going to bed but please feel free to stay up as late as you want and discuss this sofa. 1stdibs.com/...
➛My plan is to return to the office but stay emotionally...
My plan is to return to the office but stay emotionally remote.
➛Nick wakes up on a pleasant Brooklyn day in his lovely...
@toomuchnick Nick wakes up on a pleasant Brooklyn day in his lovely apartment next to his charming spouse. He helps get his wonderful daughter out of her jimmy jams and dressed. Coffee? Sure. Maybe the farmer's market soon. But it's eight twenty nine AM, and he needs to just post one thing.
➛NYC has become very bad at crossing the street.
NYC has become very bad at crossing the street.
➛where'd you go
@robynkanner where'd you go
➛Exactly
Just like you!
Sadly more CRM these days.
Just eating my oatmeal.
One surprising change that resulted from the pandemic is...
One surprising change that resulted from the pandemic is that I am now 200 years old.
➛Makes you think
This only lasted for a week 10 years ago but I've never...
This is a facsimile of the first edition Encyclopædia...
This is a facsimile of the first edition Encyclopædia Britannica from 1771. They cost around $50. They're fun. Each one is around the same width. But look at the letters on the spines: A–B, C–L, M–Z. 2::10::14. Every single project, ever.
We will help where we can.
Everything's cool, right?
Here's an actual photo of me inviting myself onto Rusty's...
@fka_tabs @uberlegit @TodayinTabs @bensprague @HC_Richardson @mainecalling Here's an actual photo of me inviting myself onto Rusty's segment.
True though! Well not of Chaucer. Just didn't have it in...
@Jo_Livingstone True though! Well not of Chaucer. Just didn't have it in me. But of everything else!
➛The means of distribution for this material creates an...
SEND THIS STRAIGHT TO MY E-READER
Hooray! And congratulations. You make me a better reader.
@Jo_Livingstone Hooray! And congratulations. You make me a better reader.
➛Seriously thought of switching.
This is no longer true.
Glad you're okay and glad you wore your helmet!
You're just helping the fish
@codinghorror You're just helping the fish
➛Good thoughts, really appreciate the feedback.
@hondanhon @joshmillard Good thoughts, really appreciate the feedback.
➛Tweet
Me at the Internet Archive in San Francisco dropping off a...
Me at the Internet Archive in San Francisco dropping off a giant pile of fish: "Do you want my Hyper Cod Stack."
➛i'll follow up here when i'm done
@elaorleans i'll follow up here when i'm done
➛Okay.
@elaorleans Okay.
➛Should I read that? I have it on my Amazon(TM) Kindle(TM).
@elaorleans Should I read that? I have it on my Amazon(TM) Kindle(TM).
➛How would you feel if people just stared into you all day?...
How would you feel if people just stared into you all day? Has anyone ever asked the Void how IT feels?
➛We won't be able to deal with climate change, but mold...
We won't be able to deal with climate change, but mold abatement contractors are going to make so much money.
➛Yes, humans will go extinct, but videogames will get so...
Yes, humans will go extinct, but videogames will get so much better first.
➛What if you're optimistic but not hopeful?
What if you're optimistic but not hopeful?
➛Tweet
Does it include humans?
Tweet
fair
@tcarmody @taravancil fair
➛OARS was right there Tim
@tcarmody @taravancil OARS was right there Tim
➛I think I still have to delete it
@winterjessica I think I still have to delete it
➛(Eight hours later and I can't get it out of my head so) I...
(Eight hours later and I can't get it out of my head so)
I want you to
crash
that
big
old
boat
Right in the Suez Canal
➛I want you to
crash
that
big
old
boat
Right in the Suez Canal
Titanic respect
@AlexJamesFitz Titanic respect
➛I know isn't it swell!
@jenszalai I know isn't it swell!
➛This is great.
And that's how you can replace strings in streams of text...
And that's how you can replace strings in streams of text even if they have millions of lines. Thank you for coming to my sed talk.
➛Grandma Moses fact: She embossed fern leaves into her pie...
Grandma Moses fact: She embossed fern leaves into her pie crusts. This is audio ambien.
➛Oh yeah she just bought a cow to make some butter to trade...
Oh yeah she just bought a cow to make some butter to trade with Mr. Spittlish for 15 cents a pound. All the awakeness is leaving my body.
➛I absolutely love how 4ad this is
@chicagomom I absolutely love how 4ad this is
➛In my ongoing quest for the most calming sleepytime media,...
In my ongoing quest for the most calming sleepytime media, here is the 1956 “Biography in Sound” of painter Grandma Moses, then aged 96. archive.org/...
➛The web created the edgelord, but the semantic web created...
The web created the edgelord, but the semantic web created the nodelord.
➛Happy birthday!
@benfinoradin @small_data_ Happy birthday!
➛i saw the best minds of my generation chocolate iced with...
just americans out of their minds desperate for a hit of...
Mark my words there will be troubling donut incidents.
Mark my words there will be troubling donut incidents.
➛Free is the mistake here. People just lose their senses...
Free is the mistake here. People just lose their senses with free. Free becomes a sacred right, not a privilege. They should charge a quarter.
➛Right but I am going to get the vaccine next week...I just...
Right but I am going to get the vaccine next week...I just don't think it's fair...I left my card in my other pants...I didn't get a donut yesterday so I need two...I have four vaccine cards for my friends...can I get something besides a donut...I just want glaze...do you deliver
➛God protect the poor employees and managers of Krispy...
God protect the poor employees and managers of Krispy Kreme, who are about to pay a terrible price for the whims of corporate marketing.
➛See it's so good and my family wants nothing to do with it.
@tolar @JeromeHardaway See it's so good and my family wants nothing to do with it.
➛Where are you on Oliver?
@JeromeHardaway Where are you on Oliver?
➛Huh! I'm glad you showed me this. A mass market Liziqi...
Just kicked in, glad you tweeted this out!
Harper at a certain point it's just easier to be old.
Nowadays I just use <TEXTAREA WRAP="HARD"> and a cgi...
Followed by the "Does it merit a paper towel?" conundrum.
I just had to combo break the Little Shop GIFs.
Tweet
Yep!
@evanpro Yep! nps.gov/...
➛Imagine if in a mobile mail client you long tapped on an...
Imagine if in a mobile mail client you long tapped on an email address and one of the options was “move to bcc,” how many human lives-worth of cutting and pasting time could be saved.
➛That was fun! Thank you everyone who showed up. I'll give...
That was fun! Thank you everyone who showed up. I'll give some thought as to how it could go in the future.
➛Absolutely a classic book, plan to read it all night.
Absolutely a classic book, plan to read it all night. archive.org/...
➛Tweet
Tweet
Tweet
We found this. It was in a ventricle.
i'm going to livestream me searching through learning...
i'm going to livestream me searching through archive.org learning things about monsters for a half hour because i've never done it before twitch.tv/...
➛Man I miss Gregory Hines movies. He always meant that...
Tweet
He appreciates the classics.
@richziade He appreciates the classics.
➛Can I help it if I'm literary?
Can I help it if I'm literary?
➛Wow casually wearing a scarf indoors can really piss off a...
Wow casually wearing a scarf indoors can really piss off a spouse.
➛One hell of a trip
@davidhsiegel One hell of a trip
➛I ordered this book—sort of sci-fi interplanetary travel...
I ordered this book—sort of sci-fi interplanetary travel scrapbook—that I loved as a kid and it's much, much better than I remembered.
One of the things I truly believe about America is that if...
One of the things I truly believe about America is that if they were alive today every one of the Founding Fathers would have a podcast.
➛Congratulations! It's great.
just thinkin my thoughts
just thinkin my thoughts
➛Tweet
This room, you won't BELIEVE the view!
@phyllisstein This room, you won't BELIEVE the view!
➛It's also kind of an intolerable song.
@tomscocca It's also kind of an intolerable song.
➛I'm telling you.
Tweet
Tweet
I know but people get upset.
I wouldn't want you to invest time and energy in such an...
Even if you hate me I'll buy you a drink.
Even if you hate me I'll buy you a drink.
➛Parasocial is the new social we're all hanging out in 2021.
Parasocial is the new social we're all hanging out in 2021.
➛Damn if he didn't pinpoint our intense national need to...
@caleb_crain Damn if he didn't pinpoint our intense national need to hang out at a barbecue.
➛Kinda
@xxbobbyzxx @richziade Kinda
➛We did it was OUR OFFICE.
@xxbobbyzxx @richziade We did it was OUR OFFICE.
➛Someone who believes that the web is still for articles.
@richziade Someone who believes that the web is still for articles.
➛Done!
Every year when the weather changes and NYC is beautiful, I...
Every year when the weather changes and NYC is beautiful, I think of this phone message my friend Leslie Harpold left on her LiveJournal in 2004, using a service called Phonepost. She passed in 2006. And I go to see if it still exists online. And it does! helloreplace.livejournal.com/...
➛I'll advertise!
@TristanRayner I'll advertise!
➛That's what I meant!
Oh lord I'm listening to this yelling STOP RUNNING YOUR...
@bmorrissey Oh lord I'm listening to this yelling STOP RUNNING YOUR FOOL MOUTH YOU HAVE NO IDEA. This way we learn!
➛Oh man I was such a baby. I've learned some incredibly...
@bmorrissey Oh man I was such a baby. I've learned some incredibly painful lessons since then.
➛Thank you!
@melanierenzulli Thank you!
➛I just erased that. It's impossible to talk about...
@marcprecipice I just erased that. It's impossible to talk about Blockchain without sounding mean. I really do get why people love it!
➛Heh. I know my limits. I collaboratively operate a services...
@melanierenzulli Heh. I know my limits. I collaboratively operate a services firm, would love to build the platform, but running it wisely is a vast labor.
➛Feel free to DM me about this (although I'll just suggest...
Feel free to DM me about this (although I'll just suggest @bmorrissey's Substack, which has been describing exactly how to build a balanced media business that will work for the next 10 years). therebooting.substack.com/...
➛extremely relevant to my interests in both goths and birds
@susannahkirby @sarasomewhere extremely relevant to my interests in both goths and birds
➛Tweet
It's real, trillions of dollars are going to be spent, but...
It's real, trillions of dollars are going to be spent, but everyone keeps saying the future of business is blockchain. It's not. It's wet bulb temperatures, new construction materials, HUGE pressure on immigration NGOs, mold different shipping patterns, new kinds of protein.
➛I wish someone would start a Digiday-style vertical about...
I wish someone would start a Digiday-style vertical about climate, with a focus on how digital is going to overlap and deal news in general. It's a huge, impenetrable space and once you completely buy in, there's not much out there. If I were still a media person I would do this.
➛Saw this and for a moment I went, "Oh god, wait, did I...
@lisafleisher Saw this and for a moment I went, "Oh god, wait, did I promise something to Lisa?"
➛IMO a major transition in middle age is that you stop...
IMO a major transition in middle age is that you stop feeling aggrieved and start feeling tremendous empathy for everyone who has to deal with you.
➛Imagine being an editor and waiting for writers, who are...
Imagine being an editor and waiting for writers, who are actual adults, to simply reply to your simple questions, so that you could do your job. It's maybe the worst job in the world. Then the writers post on twitter about this instead of answering your DMs and emails. Horrible.
➛Did you save him or did [sound of face being eaten].
"The corpses were stacked seven feet high...588 of...
"The corpses were stacked seven feet high...588 of them...1903...the year everyone was singing this ballad" (song about being a faithful wife).
➛I've listened to about 20 of these years now and 1896–1935:...
Leaving New York is as good as anything they ever did.
@lukeoneil47 Leaving New York is as good as anything they ever did.
➛25 years of anger over this. Just say slash. That's all....
@modernserf 25 years of anger over this. Just say slash. That's all. But no.
➛DEFCON: SUPERF***ED.
Utterly fair.
@tressiemcphd Utterly fair.
➛I just hesitantly introduced the idea of spending a few...
I just hesitantly introduced the idea of spending a few days a week at the office starting two weeks after the second vaccine dose, and my wife's face lit up in expectation and she said, “Really? You wouldn't be here?”
➛You ever get warm H&H on the UWS? God that was like a...
When this is all over I can't wait to fly to CA and once...
When this is all over I can't wait to fly to CA and once again have a good bagel.
➛I shorthand this as "Every pixel has an owner."
The opposite of concatenate is prodogenspat.
The opposite of concatenate is prodogenspat.
➛Just smashing the screen like a chimp basically?
Tweet
Tweet
Tweet
Tweet
Absolutely losing it
Tweet
Tweet
Tweet
Tweet
Tweet
Tweet
Google's new Emoji Kitchen keyboard thingy won't post to...
Google's new Emoji Kitchen keyboard thingy won't post to Slack so I am going to make a thread of thinky emoji here to upload as Slackmoji later. 🤔 + 🤯
I just discovered the thinky faces this is a dream.
Tweet
Oh god poop + hotdog in emoji kitchen yielded, well, what...
If @GoogleDesign and @SlackHQ can ever get their priorities...
@mathowie If @GoogleDesign and @SlackHQ can ever get their priorities straight @Postlight is 100% ready.
➛Tweet
holy crap
@n_thaniel holy crap
➛Tweet
Tweet
Learned about Emoji Kitchen today, very excited.
🎵four guys with a plan / a white bustin' van / wearing...
@mattlemay 🎵four guys with a plan / a white bustin' van / wearing their big proton packs🎵
➛woohoo! little by little we become a herd again
@MikeTRose woohoo! little by little we become a herd again
➛Absolutely was thinking about Kamaji this very morning....
CAN'T WAIT
@jenniferdaniel CAN'T WAIT
➛Weird brain thing: Looking at this chart I started to hear...
IMO they'd just bail it's not worth their time. Otherwise...
And to be clear, if you're like oh god, was that me? Was I...
And to be clear, if you're like oh god, was that me? Was I the babbler? Trust me, it wasn't you. If it WERE you, you wouldn't care.
➛It's different than being excited or talkative or talking...
It's different than being excited or talkative or talking over others or babbly. This is like, 20 straight minutes and you're finally just kind of blinking. The only thing that works is OKAY OKAY OKAY I HAVE TO CUT YOU OFF THERE FOR A QUESTION. And then you actually ask it.
➛"So Andy you know Andy he said he wanted to come over to...
"So Andy you know Andy he said he wanted to come over to [BREATHE] see the new car and that's when I told him that he needed to call his Mom before he even left [BREATH] the house." If you can just find an unnatural breathing rhythm you can win absolutely EVERY conversation.
➛I've interviewed (podcasts, job intvws, &c.) maybe 500...
I've interviewed (podcasts, job intvws, &c.) maybe 500 people? in the last few years and there's one kind of ABSOLUTE TALKER where you can't get a word in ever. I FINALLY, FINALLY figured it out: They plow through natural pauses and only breathe at "unnatural" moments. That's it.
➛Whoever you are please do not hurt Maureen and return her...
@maureenflaherty Whoever you are please do not hurt Maureen and return her safely.
➛Tweet
If you could go back to school for anything what would you...
If you could go back to school for anything what would you study?
➛Just a lovely kitchen IMO.
@john_overholt Just a lovely kitchen IMO.
➛Taking this personally
Taking this personally retrocomputing.stackexchange.com/...
➛Maybe a little.
Extreme cogency. Absolutely off the charts on the...
@heybonanos Extreme cogency. Absolutely off the charts on the cogentometer.
➛Armed with Occam's Razor he prowls Gotham's streets at...
Armed with Occam's Razor he prowls Gotham's streets at night, arguing for democratic norms, active listening, progressive taxation, writing down goals, and staying hydrated. He is...
My favorite superhero as a child? Well, obviously, it was
I had plagiarism anxiety and was trying to see if that last...
It's going to be strange when we are back in the office for...
It's going to be strange when we are back in the office for the first month while everyone is still doing their weird little moans.
➛Just where the exorcisms happened to be.
Either one!
Tonight I was watching YouTube videos of exorcisms in...
Tonight I was watching YouTube videos of exorcisms in Yonkers, and all I could think was, does anyone ever do THIS persona in their user research?
➛You can buy this, right now, and see it ripped off on...
i will sell you absolutely any tweet
i will sell you absolutely any tweet
➛I like to listen to old radio to get to sleep, and tonight...
I like to listen to old radio to get to sleep, and tonight I have something extra-special: A collection of old radio programs from 1937 where each episode is about...other years. 39 of them.
archive.org/...
➛archive.org/...
After we are encouraged to return to work or assemble...
After we are encouraged to return to work or assemble indoors, how long will it take for people to feel, “this is normal”?
➛Strong update
@waldojaquith Strong update
➛WB installation isn't THAT slow. Unless you lose the EXTRAS...
I mean we CAN'T be, but all I can find is “Europe who?”...
@andrew___myname I mean we CAN'T be, but all I can find is “Europe who?” which, agreed, is amazing. Then again I just remembered I'm using DuckDuckGo.
➛This joke in NFT form is worth at least six forests.
This joke in NFT form is worth at least six forests.
➛Cursory googling shows that this is unique to our family,...
Cursory googling shows that this is unique to our family, therefore I will be minting it as an NFT.
➛Joke we came up with tonight that slayed the 9yos: Knock...
Joke we came up with tonight that slayed the 9yos:
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Touch-up.
Touch-up who?
Eww you want to touch a poo?!?
➛Knock knock.
Who's there?
Touch-up.
Touch-up who?
Eww you want to touch a poo?!?
I realized what I dislike about webinars: They focus...
I realized what I dislike about webinars: They focus attention on the speakers. A good event is a 1/2 talk, 20 mins questions, two hours of people eating and making big plans. Conversation is more important than presentation. Also thank you to everyone who came to our Webinar!
➛Trying to find a reasonable sweater.
Get ready for a delicious @Postlight Webinar, piping hot...
Get ready for a delicious @Postlight Webinar, piping hot from the oven, today at 1PM ET. Grab your pandemic lunch (crackers with weird jam? Vegan breakfast sausages with last night's fried rice?) and spend an hour staring at your computer, but this time, with a DIFFERENT company! x.com/...
➛what is a prune, Wanda, if not a plum that i left in the...
@AlexJamesFitz what is a prune, Wanda, if not a plum that i left in the icebox and which you were probably saving for breakfast
➛You could draw little pictures in the lid with your...
Well it's not all easy street, they have chores, too, like...
@BlunderMifflin @jackrusher @maureenflaherty @toddedillard Well it's not all easy street, they have chores, too, like polishing the ancestral silver and serving as paymaster to the stableboys.
➛Happy Birthday! The world is much better already because...
@margarita Happy Birthday! The world is much better already because you are in it!
➛The drop-down said “Thai spicy” and now I'm sitting in...
The drop-down said “Thai spicy” and now I'm sitting in front of the sink putting teaspoons on milk on my tongue.
➛Tweet
Sample slide:
Friends! Come to a WEBINAR, tomorrow at 1PM ET. See some...
Friends! Come to a WEBINAR, tomorrow at 1PM ET. See some ridiculous slides, hear some advice won through horrible, painful experience. meetup.com/...
➛You're welcome, Spicy Burgers. Good to hear from you.
@spicyburgers You're welcome, Spicy Burgers. Good to hear from you.
➛Oh yeah that's perfect.
@ZanMcQuade Oh yeah that's perfect.
➛Sigh. Hang in there.
@russcallahan Sigh. Hang in there.
➛Torn between a horror movie where all the words are evil...
Torn between a horror movie where all the words are evil and invoke a curse (SEVEN) and a romantic comedy where a Y combinator media critic and a young woman blogger come together through puzzles (FOR THE CLICKS).
➛What is the plot of the NYT Spelling Bee Movie?
What is the plot of the NYT Spelling Bee Movie?
➛On the flipside a subset of the people whose work you...
On the flipside a subset of the people whose work you treasure will win big prizes and be celebrated.
➛A thing I wish I'd known earlier in life is that the public...
A thing I wish I'd known earlier in life is that the public intellectuals and politicians who drive you absolutely up the wall aren't going anywhere and in fact some will still be going strong 10, 20, 30 years later. So you should pace yourself, and not hate all at once.
➛I mean if "fun" for you is "here is the rack where we peer"...
I mean if "fun" for you is "here is the rack where we peer" along with "we have to factor in supply chain and hard drive pricing dynamics when we provision servers"
➛Fun conversation about @internetarchive's architecture. You...
Fun conversation about @internetarchive's architecture. You can see starting at 9 minutes how the entire Internet is made of tiny, fragile strands of fancy string. archive.org/...
➛Tweet
yay
@chrismohney yay
➛I respectfully admired their devotion to duty, absolutely.
Look at us.
@phyllisstein Look at us.
➛Two masks!
Tweet
I have never had a better or more pleasant customer service...
I have never had a better or more pleasant customer service experience in my life than getting the Covid-19 vaccine from the National Guard at Medgar Evers College with all my other comorbids.
➛hahahahahahahaha don't know why laugh
@fka_tabs @bluishorange hahahahahahahaha don't know why laugh
➛took me a while to remember that the word I was looking...
took me a while to remember that the word I was looking for, which I thought of as "sunrise, but down," was "sunset"
➛They're not wrong.
They're not wrong.
➛Tweet
NextDoor is awful like a terrible community board meeting,...
Whatever you believe about humanity the comments on the...
Whatever you believe about humanity the comments on the Citizen app will test it.
➛you know what fine
jeeeesus keeerist rick
google search history right now would be how finish wired...
google search history right now would be
how finish wired column
good column kicker
10PM need conclusion
promised wired column tonight
congested finish article
➛how finish wired column
good column kicker
10PM need conclusion
promised wired column tonight
congested finish article