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03 Jul 98

Breaking Up

Dear Reader,

I'm very unhappy with this entry, but don't know where to go with it. Please send me an edited, improved, or totally different version, and I'll post that, too. I'll post it with your name attached, or not--totally up to you.

pef

When I was sixteen or seventeen I believed a woman had spoken to me psychically. I was stretched out to the sky, atop the West Chester Municipal Garage, home from Milton Hershey School on Christmas break.

I was desolate, and a voice came to me. She spoke in emotions, not words, and asked me to stop weeping. She said I would grow up and out of my condition. She would wait for me, and watch over me.

I was full of shamanism, and felt convinced the voice was real, a person somewhere who knew me through time and across state lines. I vowed to keep my virginity for this invisible woman. I kept this vow for two years, but more because women didn't like me than for my chasteness. I waited and believed in the voice. I asked myself: is this her? when I yearned after a woman.

Four years later, I turned 21, and realized: I was crazy, and that woman was purely from my own mind.

It was hard to let her go, but she left peacefully, no longer at home.


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About the author: I've been running this website from 1997. For a living I write stories and essays, program computers, edit things, and help people launch online publications. (LinkedIn). I wrote a novel. I was an editor at Harper's Magazine for five years; then I was a Contributing Editor; now I am a free agent. I was also on NPR's All Things Considered for a while. I still write for The Morning News, and some other places.

If you have any questions for me, I am very accessible by email. You can email me at ford@ftrain.com and ask me things and I will try to answer. Especially if you want to clarify something or write something critical. I am glad to clarify things so that you can disagree more effectively.

POKE


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