Up: Who Cares?

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Big A

By Ford, Frank Bernard

Man: Can you help me?

DJ: In which regard?

Man: I was thinking, books.

DJ: Ah yes? Good thought indeed! But have you tried our rose-almond tea?

Man: I'm a coffee Man, thanks anyway.

DJ: We have zingers then! - like coffee in a way. Marko, have you slipped anyone any of our various zingers of late? Lemon, insanely wild berry?

Marko: Ah sir, what can I get for you?

Man: Well, you're carrying books in your arms. That's a good sign. I gotta get this..Scarring Letter, or something, for my daughter.

DJ: Hold on a second! Wake up all day to W E D G, your leading wedge of music for the entire valley!

Marko: We're temporarily besieged by FM radio.

DJ: Ladies and gentlemen of the listening audience, we continue our conversation at Raring's Bookstore on the subject of...what else? Sex! Anyway, Sir! Don't you care if your daughter reads about adultery?

Man: I want my daughter to read about everything - if it's any of your business.

DJ: And And And, doesn't the Tootley-Wootley-Town School Board usually object? Especially if a minister has more than scripture on his mind. Hey? Hey? Hey? One eye on heaven, the other on her c-rotch. Right? Hey, maybe they're both heaven!

Woman: Yeah? So why didn't they slap that A on his skinny ass? I tell you why. 'cause you can do anything you want to a woman: in this country, then and now, and get away with it.

DJ: It's our Mellana, deadly sweet, a late arrival to our remotest broadcast, AND afternoon priestess of Jazz Funk for the entire valley!

Woman: And I'll wear that scarlet A right now, and keep it on too. And get all the sisters to join too. Is that what you want?

Man: I don't care what you do. I came in here to buy a book, not a whatchacallit, media event or something!

DJ: More like “or something” in this market!

Marko: Hawthorne worked in the custom house, collecting tariffs and the like. Political job one would suppose. Melville, in point of fact, served in a parallel fashion. Melville wrote Moby Dick - as I'm sure you know.

Man: Didn't like the movie.

DJ: Neither did he.

Man: Yeah, well, had to see it in the grave - which ain't a bad place for some of them.

Woman: That A equals CASH For white males. That's another thing! Sir! You must carry around a hell of a load of guilt if you ask me!

Man: Adultery. Part of life, isn't it? Or can be?

DJ: Tolerance! I love it! Tolerance! And his favorite sound is rockabilly! Would you believe it, folks out there? - surveys say most sophisticated listeners in the entire valley!

Man: It's nice to hear it sometimes, like far away. My folks have a place in the Poconos and there's a retired teacher. She plays that stuff down the road.

DJ: Yeah that's what we do. Play that stuff down the road.

Woman: We'll be down that road forever! Me with my enforced A! And the redder the better! If I could just get you just to beGIN to see what you've done!

Man: Just drink your herbal tea and you'll be fine.

...

Wife: Got it?

Man: Here, change your life! Some tea for you. Lemon Zinger.

Wife: Well what's it about, the book?

Man: Some woman: gotta wear big A.

Wife: She's gotta big...what?

Man: Ass, asshole!

Wife: Well what did I say?

Man: All my life I just play along!