|Up: Foolishnesses||[Related] «^» «T»|
Friday, November 7, 1997
By Paul Ford
Career Development is important to a young fellow's growth.
SON: Dad, I'm worried.
DAD: (Putting down pipe) What about, Son?
SON: About what sort of job I'm going to get in this crazy economy.
DAD: God knows, that's a fair concern. The days of job security are over. Even the defense industry is in a shambles.
SON: So what should I do?
DAD: Let me run that one through the ol' meat grinder. (Goes back to his paper. A minute later, his face emerges from the newsprint, pipe returned to his mouth. He folds and drops the paper, and drops the pipe in the ashtray. SON sits and works on a crystal radio set).
DAD: I've got it, yes, I've just got it.
SON: (Looks up) What?
DAD: How about being an artist?
SON: An artist? How? I can barely draw.
DAD: An artist doesn't need to be able to draw. No, what an artist needs is a deep reservoir of personal pain from which he can draw. If you have that, you have the world, and you have Government Funding.
SON: How's that work?
DAD: It's easy. All you need is some personal pain--like an emotional scar from incest. Lean over that table and undo those britches.
DAD: I'm going to rape you. Now keep quiet.
(Sudden blackness. Screams, sounds of tussle, followed by a voiceless noise of a creaking table.
Lights back up.)
DAD: (Cheerful.) There, that's done; let's go upstairs. You're mother's waiting with dinner. And tomorrow we'll go buy the hardware store and buy you some painting supplies--I think you're going to need them.