Well that was a fucking catastrophe. My mother had an enormous panicked meltdown and once she finally could settle after five minutes of insane hyperventilating, she said something to effect that if I didn't continue to be nice to her she'd kill herself (or rather that because I had been nice to her over the last few months, "she was still alive." But the implication is the same.)
Anyway, she's not coming to visit. I just went into the cold and calm mode that I use to deal with people who are having breakdowns and got through it. It reminded me a lot of what she was like for my childhood. The uncontrollable screaming and meltdowns.
I put the phone on speaker so Mo could understand what was going on. Mo had a mini panic attack while listening. What a mess. I asked Mom to stop screaming for a period of 30 seconds; she was just saying "you're going to hurt me, you're going to hurt me" over and over and losing her breath. I told her to get a drink of water. It took a few minutes. Then we finished the conversation. I think she's been waiting for the other shoe to drop on this stuff with my brother, she feels guilty and ashamed and bad.
Fact is, I don't hate her. She's just so fucking sick at this point I can't. She says she's seeing some kind of counselor. She should probably be hospitalized, but I'm not in a position to change that right now. We agreed to meet at a park in August so she could visit with the kids.
I had a couple beers and a nice turkey sandwich.
| Food | Qty | Calories |
|---|---|---|
| Beer, 1 c. | 3 | 288 |
| Pretzel, 1 oz. | 5 | 540 |
| Sandwich, Turkey with a slice of cheese, etc., est. | 0.7 | 500 |
| Seeweed snack, 1 container | 100 | |
| Total | 1428 |