This is the moment I've been waiting for, where things are piled up to the point that I have no choice but to go forward. When I can fall back on cybernetic systems, the form, structure, the patterns I know. It feels actually as if the chaos of not-doing-things is a kind of rehearsal for busy times.
That's what it is with kids, too, right? Absolute insane grasping chaos of hunger, desire, and fear, which will arrange itself as it will--but there I will be insisting on a certain kind of order, a certain kind of structure.
It always comes at a cost, ordering things. Form always denies some possibilities, requires you to submit to something old and boring instead of something fun and full of light. The ego doesn't want to submit to the grind; I want to read books on my phone and ride my new bike. Will this be another just-breakfast OHLIH day or will I do my job?
| Food | Qty | Calories |
|---|---|---|
| Cereal, Nature's Path Organic Heritage, 3/4 c. | 2 | 240 |
| Coffee, black, 1 oz. | 16 | 0 |
| Milk, no fat, 1 c. | 90 | |
| Total | 330 |
Weight: 335 lbs