Books I'd buy, if someone wrote them:

• Girls Will Come Over If Your Apartment Looks Like This
• Conducting Yourself in a Mature Manner
• How to Remember to Go to the Bank
• Turning a Profit on Masturbation
• Spotting Psychotic Chicks...Before
• Why Otherwise Sane People Like Classical Opera
• A Listing of Misanthropic Careers
• Make Millions in Online Self-Publishing