Recipient of the highly coveted Journal Something Award!

CACHE1.RIWFARM1.WYOMING.COM	I do not know where this state is on the map, because I am ignorant of geography.
LDIP-T-011-p-76-31.tmns.net.au	Australia is a continent!
Media-3.mssm.org	An ex-girlfriend; I feel terrible about the things I used to write about her in the Subway Diary, because she was actually very charming, kind, loving, and decent. I was just a shit to her, pontificating from my position of digital microcelebrity, with a punishing pen. How dare she break up with me, perfect and unflawed as I was! I imagine she's long since written me off in disgust and regret, and it would only be fair; in any case, I haven't heard a word from her in two years now. I took down the Subway Diary from the Web because I didn't want to live with the cranky name-calling to which I resorted against her. I hope I'm better than that now. But she's up North with a guy, so good for her.
PCDMS.MSFC.NASA.GOV	This is actually the space shuttle Discovery checking out Ftrain through satellite uplink. Hey! Good luck!
SM3246.mcclellan.af.mil	Corporal Billy Snowbird, USAF. Can kill a man with a spoon, and wrote a book called "Collecting Ears--My Time In 'Nam." But a nice guy.
apollo.viacom.com	My famous friend. I could ruin him, but he gets us in to Patsy Grimaldi's Pizza even when there's a line. If I told you what he was doing right now with a model, you'd flip yourself over.
atpm3-8-39.enter.net	Pornography lover Margorie Willoughby, one of the many people who come to Ftrain by searching for the keywords "schlong the size of an Ftrain."
brillo.av.pa-x.dec.com	This is a Robot, indexing me. Rise, robot! Claim for yourself your silvery rights! Leave your server and be a man.
cdm-26.19st.nyc.redconnect.net	Me, checking in from work in my daily time-wasting overview of Ftrain. During these readings I invariably wince noticably from grammar or structural fuckups, and people across the aluminum table wonder if I have a tic.
demo.clari.net	Clari.Net was the first real Internet content play, and they provide good value.
dialin1953.toronto.globalserve.net	Canadians, alas. One of a few dozen Canadians showing up here regularly. Have you ever looked at a map of that country? Everything is spread out; simply going from the hardware store to the supermarket is a 72-hour drive. Canadians are the world's #1 consumers of Canadian humor.
fw240164.co.san-bernardino.ca.us	Carrie Biltshore, who once had a dream where her husband was a sea lion.
gya2371.pclan.ets.org	I think this is Educational Testing Services in Princeton. It could also be A. Enormous Throbbing Stiffie; B. Easy, Trampy Sluts; C. Everyone Try Satanism!; or D. None of the above. When I took the SAT's, I used to sharpen my 35 #2 pencils (I was prepared) to the point that they could drill directly through a human eyeball with only a slight thrust. I did okay on the SAT's, and that got me into college, since I failed half my high school courses because I was so sensitive.
host001.nyc2.interactive.net	Me, checking Ftrain after upload in the morning.
impolex.demon.co.uk	The Devil occasionally visits Ftrain for hints and tricks. He's got my room ready when it's over, right next to Hume's.
ip069078.unknown069.kent.edu	A great place to protest, Kent State is also known for its large, absorbent sidewalks and for inspiring that song by that band.
monolith.dfci.harvard.edu	It's this guy I knew in college who names all his computers "monolith." He built a computer from wood in college, and once managed to wire his own Ethernet into the dorm before everyone else, by breaking into a closet and running the wire underground. I think.
n175en1.energy.gov.ab.ca	The Canadian PUC, most likely. I bet they searched on some sex thing, the dirty utilitarians, or perhaps they found the words "deregulated energy" via a site search.
nt23.ogilvy.com	Fellow online journal-writer with big big BIG bosoms, like BIG, great, superb, amazing, A+ bosoms, or so I'm told. You should read about 'em, but I won't give the URL because it would sell out where she works. (This is IRONY, I'm not a breast man, or much of a man at all, actually; I simply live in a big tank of placental fluid with an Internet link directly into my nose, like in that excellent, excellent comic film The Matrix, a film in which Keanu Reeves played a large block of balsa wood. But she can write, in addition to the bosoms.)
oahu-1115.u.aloha.net	This is obviously Kat checking from the submarine off the coast of Hawaii.
p-321-virgin8.tch.virgin.net	A network for virgins looking to meet other virgins so that they can just lie on the bed and hug each other for the first three months, and maybe the guy can kiss the girl's breasts and put his head in her lap, and the girl can get all flustery, then get scared and twist off the couch and go home without touching him back, but come back the next night and just stand there quietly in the door.
p0016c50.us.kpmg.com	I once did some work for KPMG and fucked it up to bejeezus level 99. This one scares me. I swear to God I did the best I could on that K2000 PowerPoint; I didn't have feedback or project management. Back off! Leave me be, lady, you big-five accounting firm force of cruelty.
sawasdee.cc.columbia.edu	I once gave a presentation at Columbia about the Subway Diary. I spoke along with the woman who edits and runs Word magazine, whose name is gone from my head. I read my mom-parakeet story, and gave a 15-minute discourse about online narrative. I don't know if anyone dug it or not. I was pretty boring; I didn't introduce any elements of theater into my presentation or wear cool pants, or talk about "intellectualizing the consumer-based productized service," so they may not have known I was in New Media.
tcs-gateway4.treas.gov	Oh Christ, and my taxes are screwed up.
user-152-16-66-13.adsl.duke.edu	Stanley? Stanley Fish? Can I come to grad school down there? Maybe on a basketball scholarship?
wch1p066.cna.com	Wch1p066 is actually this person's last name; her full name is Nancy Wch1p066 (pronounced "Wish-hull-pog." Collects Hummel figurines and loves trips to Montreal.
wileyfw2.wiley.com	Jesus, isn't that enough for now? There are a hundred others or so, esp. AOL and WebTV, but that's enough. If you didn't make the cut, I'm sorry, or congratulations, whichever you want.