April 2015 BY Paul Ford 2015 499 Sections hah! fair Being addicted to food means everyone is like “watch those... let's jog to the bar There are lots of people who like, graduated from... I've been working on my paragraphs for 30 years and... soaring harmony attenuation is a major problem in pop music... OMG I DID I'M SO SORRY They want you to believe you are a replicant so that they... if you google BuzzFeed for penis it returns 56,100 results... You know a word you don't hear that much these days?... It was just trying to pack a lunch so it doesn't have to... An enormous number of jokes are obsolete. You know how in Contact Jodie Foster is like, “they should... We are all God's children. https://twitter.com/ftrain/status... We were supposed to meet up at the ballpark but half the... or one of daddy's phones people talk a lot about the patriarchy but no one ever hugs... each muffin is made in shenzhen now it really is amazing... “It is a chicken puppet, not a duck puppet.”... just 82 short weeks https://twitter.com/ftrain/status/586488557323362304/photo/1 yes “So we're decided on Platisher. Next on the docket,... i mean a lot gets stretched in there but truth is, it is... I just had peanut butter and jelly on a wrap. ET TU JOELD I think people are saying hey I won't make this worse but... ulgh I can't drink otherwise I'd be at flatiron lounge... glad you are here joel can I make them from tears yes but our culture is homophobic and blowjob/rock bottom... I can't eat anything until 2018 tacos are delicious hard. It was a dark time. lol den's point is fair let's not pull him into this... students or faculty? But wait, are THEY reading? three to five seconds this is great i prefer “area man” as long as they use the right mimetype we can work it out i'm a full person ted nah it's too boring, it's just two Ses, no beaks section sign! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Section_sign have you considered topic maps? Right, I mean one day, maybe we'll get the programming... have you seen this beautiful creature... this is great paragraphs are IN THE AIR thank you but it's like hell for the people around me... We would prefer if you stopped. I mean but when you're living the life it is actually handy... oh god you're totally right i've been overthinking this so... andrew pandoc is so good it translates markdown and html... it's so good you hardly notice it. it's not just good it's... this conversation is a runaway train don't dude don't dddasdgjklndfgshkl placenta falls to the... i'm listening to ben folds now you can't handle me well i'm sure that brick by ben fol—oh shit why did you do... oh hey iris was a really good song i'm going to bring that... No, I'm safe in Brooklyn. They tried but they can't include it until someone accounts... It catalogs pornography. question...when...do checks come...so tired from... rent-seeking is literally in his blood, and presumably is... Why choose? Throw in Bali, and it's $1,600/month.... god this world, and...taxi medallions in his heart like, imagine the contracts involved in this event, an exec... i wonder if the instagram shot was part of the deal and if... i've been thinking about that all morning. my guess is that... i'm hoping to god that our fine tabloid press is working on... wait wait the part about the video with Costas is even... Have you read this too? http://www.businessinsider.com/nicki... well it's clearly PR but VERY revealing PR oh man that one is up for renewal It is, I'm just completely obliterated with writing... exactly! lol i did that right after retweeting myself Wellll...hand-checking it...basically because the ratio is... we're all just finding our way together yeah see this is one of those places where Bing is weird... They vary a lot, from spot-checking. I think this way is... Oh there are ways to do it and you can get scholarly... Oh duh many thanks. They're just playing games with us. I should stick to soft subjects like LISP. No that would be mere tokenism SORRY SEARCH ENGINE PUN.... I tried but I don't know how to cluster in Excel and there... so is my editor :/ it's like 1,000 pages i keep promising myself i'll buy it no no i mean, micropayments, they come for us all http://shop.oreilly.com/product/9780596102425.do also i sort of love being the dude who talks about... ♫West End to East Bayside♫ if digital journalists were lgbt competent the web would be... which is fine because Boys || Men still evaluates as true then obviously the whole thing was staged I mean who exactly sets those fires too? You're telling me... I asked you not to drink from my kir royale dude I'm sorry deadline is monday dude the hedgehog is doing pretty well too tbh (i.e. HTTP status 402) all usenet needed was hashtags really Did you ever see this? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=owyNA... sometimes i just look at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gopher... is awesome congrats, this is an awesome and that post was good whoa @18F is legit you might adopt daniel or a mom Thanks! i used to “battle-scar” my toys using our electric stove took me until the morning, but nicely done Speed on the bright side we'll always have something to tweet... a friend of mine used to edit genre and said that they... oh yeah that was bananas. that last tweet was a quote from Martin Luther in 1545 it's weird to live in an era that truly, truly knows better... “In 2015, did you feel that women had fewer opportunities... do you think they will still do that to women in 2050 i like when they interview brilliant women about what it... to me that is like the kardashian shoot for paper not under that identity i don't need you i have kinja how will you authenticate i would enjoy a button that reverses the paragraph order... i mean all conclusions are nonsense but also you have to... also indicating that this IS going somewhere which would be... “we don't yet have the technology to make this interesting.” comforting color shifts that indicate boringness as a sort... it's true it's how we win elections also maybe fables need animals because humans are so... right also it just has to be so obvious to be true to form,... I mean it's both and how do you manage that tension so that... I made the right choice for America otherwise you can't tell if this is building to an... and like a headboard smashing into drywall whoa MaNy EMO kids use NICotine patches sometimes i make a little stress noise like... I'm still on slack tho I'm really deep on this book draft and this big thing for... youtube animal tv casting is the best tv. along with steam... look i know the real problem is splitsider https://twitter.com/ftrain/status/590708319880421376/photo/1 i just love the way in this movie that spike lee made... cool tweets but you need more scenes apparently spike lee went back to public enemy on their... i saw this with my dad in media, pa, and we both agreed... +1 off the cuff. why is everything about him so sad, he should basically be... how many people were in the theater oh that just hurts mondays are tough SIGMOO is a good idea and one can never do enough Unix... hahahaha yessss perl date libraries whoa also all the various date/time stuff you need is basically... that book is good tho You know what's good, though? Postgres date/time handling... let's not even talk about date/time handling on other... jacob dear god we all know 1900 was not a leap year because... http://imgur.com/gallery/o3vze Not with static type checking. yeah it's depressing that person can't spell “drivel” lol i'm ready, i'm ready to give myself to the brands, I'm... because i could not tweet for brands/they kindly tweet for... so many brands in that photo fair I have budget for shake shack oh good then we can stay late and get this paid post for... um leah what is the word in front of editor in your title we will need you to write some of the ads AND live events and conferences native advertising appreciate it good feedback I wish there was a timeline driven CMS to support this... desktop background https://twitter.com/ftrain/status/5884955... you have an amazing brain jennifer except right now it is... web pages http://pbump.net/files/post/hillary/maker.php?p=That_is_bull... Pretty, pretty please. Don't you ever, ever feel. Like... i'd say shee is miss undaztood And I know eventually we'll be together/ one sweet and sour... i just ordered it agreed i'm never gonna get down on communities engaging... bought a pi i forgot about train yeah but randy newman is actually eleven inches tall so... wait overtone yes oh god you probably di Kind of an amazing album tbh. Wait Anil that is the entire theme of Randy Newman's Good... that photo tho, it's just a brick wall Whoot! Congratulations!!!! exactly, you know, which. PJ this is a macro, not unicode I EXPLAINED Unicode.... that's fucked up it's in substrate in a little gel sac and when you heat it... the butter is already inside the muffin and when you... it's like seven muffins stacked and fired out of a gun they... i'm imagining the meeting where they're like FUCK NOOKS and... edmund r u going to steal my identity See? Patrick your avatar. they're moving away from nooks and just going balls out on... Oh, I am. In Ditmas we call passive-aggressive behavior “slopin'.” Many Internet pundits were smashed under their treads. It... wow your minecraft game is NEXT LEVEL ♫ count the flashlights while the men play ♫ STAY RIGHT THERE THE OREOS SOCIAL MEDIA TEAM IS INBOUND ON... I live in Ditmas, Ted. Your Park Slope bullshit doesn't... thank you, James! good charlotte tho :/ seriously an A+ neighbor I know and she is just the best person. or for people to consider and react to our work at length... or before release JASON COME ON ulgh who will be the first person fired for this at the... I got a lot of automated wristwatch notifications/here's an... one of history's worst monsters definitely I mean look, I had help, in the form of not having Rachel... I like how quickly this turned into Government Nomic... To be fair, the password for the secret commenting system... http://butt.holdings/ Too late, Alex, I'm spending the day fantasizing about the... Things haven't been the same since Congress gutted the... they did such a good job. i want to go see it before it... I mean that's not the worst government formulation for a... Whoaaa calm down I thought we were just crowdsourcing. and spelling assistAnce feeling really good about that Whiskey Houston yeah that looks delicious but damaging This might be a hint: https://twitter.com/mobli/status/58453... you've entered buttnet no yeah no one is even going to question that formulation... I'm glad she is someone I gravitate back to once a year or... Oh man I call the former the y-hole so that means that you... sounds like your uncle knew what worked willie nelson is pretty great tho it's a slippery slope this is wonderful also oh god she lives in brooklyn if i... oh no i love her so much i think she's just a consummate... have you seen the mastodon video with the wizard shit and... cut to eye surgery cut to calves head on lazy susan cut to... oh yeah there's ZERO sense that this was a good boss Dude this is an industrial video I don't have a face. it's also insanely entertaining, like he just shouldn't... did u read the jourgenson autobiography? Paul, what are your thoughts? no! my first ever concert was thrill kill kult in 1990 at the... i mean this is the stuff walter isaacson NEVER covers he puts a lot of vegetables in his butt and attacks the... it's amazing have u read the al jourgenson autobiography soooooo good i'm a sucker for walking around movies oh yeah this is sweeeet no will look it up if I took the job you would find that I had been there all... i've chewed it :/ a more modern trail mix would basically be one M&M in a... i think also in days of yore you could be like i'm eating... it's sooooo good shredded in about three to five minutes with the plug... can't you feel how satisfying it would be to grind it with... okay i'll be honest i sort of knew about the first three... michael i chomp pencils in half routinely in the first... no no i love the way they form a mass under your tongue as... i mean at least just for research oh hell yes oh god the debates over like which ruby framework to use... right or something that released cinnamon at time intervals... be real here dude oh i'll ask when it's ready why are you drinking in a chinese grocery jealous but you know what i'm glad i gave you guys an... can you imagine a museum of these collections the raw power... Oh it's going to live orrrrrr one day we will watch the world's most... right? I mean god help you if you mispronounce this in... you mean Gamergate? Sam do you have it? or something about pee when you said you liked this conversation I knew what I had... Gawker should assign a followup story @leahfinnegan there once was a woman named leah/who only liked honey in... is this a limerick I don't remember I was hanging in the closet because they'd... who doesn't like honey tho tweeting is a key part of my illness mitigation strategy i'm like easing up to the two hours this aft where i teach... where are you on furious 7? excuse me leah but the fact that PB&H on a wrap is big... All those boy socks are somewhere now. mo got pho its strep says Dr so tired And tacos are abundant and low value. I came here to joke about about my lifelong compulsive... I'm ready Guys don't white knight me here I shouldn't have implied... I call eating a chicken parm riding the red dragon. I mean that's more of an opportunistic hobo thing than... I can totally see why Den feels that way but the thing is I... My doctor lives in my neighborhood, eight miles from... I went to the doctor. The bad news is I gained back all the... Fairy tales help kids understand how complex the real world... Pexting is sending pictures of your pet's genitals to your... You're all getting frexts. Just kidding—I would never attend guilt-management therapy... I'm fifteen minutes late for my guilt-management therapy. I... The problem of declining church attendance means less money... My new band doesn't actually play any songs we just publish... I know I live in the future because human behavior is... Also I did this big [paid!] advertorial thing for GE which... the future [1] http://motherboard.vice.com/read/one-day-i-wi... “The Apple Watch is a Watch.” by @jomc... That's true. I was always a nerd but didn't start actual... The name of the woman who tamed the crows and wrote the... All of western literature was originally designed to be fed... In fact, the ¶ symbol is a crow's beak turned 90 degrees... In fact, the ¶ symbol is a crow's beak turned 90... People often wonder, when is the best time to stop one... sure which is funded by big cheese that one was just for me [Rhymes “blockchain” with “champagne.”] [Throws Ducati... word nerd note: pandoc does a very serviceable job going... “And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see... when a system is dominated by bald men that's pateriarchy omg i forgot that it was about GAMES journalism hmmm these harmonies don't soar quite as much in 2015 as... what is the loudest i can listen to this toad the wet... “As for Hogan’s claim that he was attracted to her, that... This is the Unicode unicorn. I know you see an old horse... The Taxi industry is caught between this medallion mogul,... So @kjhealy took me to CLUSTER SCHOOL with my VERY... HOW many impressions? Fuck it, get me a type specimen book... retweets are not endorsements “I would put my hands on your shoulders and say, ‘Every... Hi it's Monday let me break down the ratio of the word... I just published “The Words the Media Industry Prefers”... Why can't science breed a cat that can close the doors it... This is cool: http://www.bloomberg.com/graphics/2015-pace-of... You can ask anyone to marry you, but it costs real money to... This insane circumlocutory statement is how Facebook said... this article on facebook account scamming has tons of crazy... sometimes the bug is not in the content management system... everything is working fine the font in the URL bar has more... my actual emcee name is notorious chebeague my emcee name is mackworth if you had a rap battle in a kayak off of portland would it... If you want to call yourself a brogrammer you need to show... Also the camera moves and you see a pigeon and we are... The end of Blade Runner is cool until you remember that... My mind says June but my body says October. This brand won't build itself. i mean it's totally possible that the 47,510 vagina... Seriously deleted articles aside there is no other news org... I love this article about Disney princes... what about embedding https://twitter.com/amanicdroid/status/... Fav if you like to perform loyalty, RT if you like to... The two best Twitter accounts I've seen lately are this... Why are the web people here? We are here to take your... But also, God, why are the print people ANYWHERE? “Why are the web people here?” —@harrisj... A video about what really matters. http://youtu.be/1Vr6uVD3... http://www.theonion.com/video/new-app-lets-you-work-for-your... I mean no wonder they thought blade runner was the future briefcases filled with cheddar cheese too, can you imagine the cheese board lobbying... I hate when he gets little one day we'll look back on that infographic from our... Yes! Ham Goes Up An Escalator http://www.clickhole.com/video... You know who else gets church and state mixed up? America. i would personally benefit from any content management... writing online you need to lead with the moral or maybe... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a-bCWfM0MCk my NYC zip code has zero government-tracked sex noise... data journalism, you're free http://editorial-ny.dnainfo.com... The Bear Who Let It Alone is the most true four paragraphs... when you make a self-referential joke you need to zoom way... “Tisdale has been called the ‘Land of Rape and Honey’ for... http://mlkshk.com/p/13UX6 dude is right the police really did NOT need to kill radio... https://twitter.com/ftrain/status/590708483466604544/photo/1 “Already this year, 10 lotteries have been held for 698... Adding to @jackrusher's praise of Olivetti Mode, a small... ulgh moment.js is the best avail but ulgh who wants to take some prospect park fun run to the next... “We've restarted the brain we discovered and it wants to... “Podcast guest” is a cool epitaph I guess except I won't... Boy if you like the words literally and like then you are... lolno but the Date() prototype is like scrambled brain eggs... This is a good point the TSA along with a do-not-fly list... And that joke is so old, today he probably would do... My fav joke is about the vulture with an antelope at the... “‘I do television and film so I can take months off and... this poor smuggled baby orangutan in a backpack... Slack has revived something that was VERY common in the... Hatereads are a form of scornographic literature. Six billion tweets of poet outrage. And you know they'd... Good morning here I am speaking with @joshuatopolsky for an... maybe ten years to go until they remake the matrix I guess these represent the “imperfect underbelly” of... RIP Jonathan Crombie (Gilbert from Anne of Green Gables)... Usually this is where they scream religious songs at each... It can't be this easy; I am terrified. Maria vs singularity http://motherboard.vice.com/read/please... k1dp0wn3d It was like, “Daddy what're you doing?“ “I'm doing Daddy... Yeah I'll do sniglets idgaf. Congratulations to Yahoo! on its acquisition of Fire Eagle! it looks truly fun and you never have to worry about what... the writing is going well about eighteen months later than... god god god i wish i had one of those brains that was like,... The Role of Emoticons in the TriplePHazelton Recognition... ummm http://www.amazon.com/E-Mail-Addresses-Rich-Famous-Godi... thanx to @droob: chuck d and jennifer finch from l7 and a... Blackwater guards “faced mandatory minimum 30-year... "Well, I don't know his name," Reagan replied. "But let me... You know what else no one told me about is Sonic Pi. http://open.spotify.com/track/0e0siwPeCy9UvQzN7zp6n8 why... I bet ending sentences with “which” could be a thing, which. not YOUR A/B tests, YOUR A/B tests are very, very important... just 575 days to decide http://days.to/election-day-in-us/20... no it can't be http://www.daysuntil.com/Election-Day/index.... It was quiet in the global media village but then over the... Sometimes the Spotify trail ends in Radio KAOS and that's... “Although his nation is nearly the size of Alaska, none of... “He said his comments last year that gays should burn in... Do you like #content? Because man do I have some #content... the full stack life chose me https://twitter.com/ftrain/stat... a gas station? What is the snack in your office that you are not eating... I wonder how long before women with Apple Watches are being... lotta dumb shit today If the iPod was the Joshua Tree, and the iPhone was Achtung... “We would all have been better served had the Columbia... how many gallons of water does it take to grow the fuck up no one else had photoshop It was pretty collaborative. I just had a good computer. I keep the high-culture stuff to a minimum here on Twitter... the other thing is this leng tan intepretation of four... one thing i worry that people don't know about is margaret... yeah i mean that's where i'm at and it's amazing listening to it now sooooo goood EXCELLENT I don't think Pigface gets enough credit. “‘Now I’m going to do that racist thing where I touch your... this chart should help https://twitter.com/ftrain/status/584... so that would be in the vending machine too this is true my wife took a wooden toy away from our... actually i've chewed belts a rigid shiny cheap leather is... something where the chocolate slowly flakes off after five... no one needs granola bars at work people need chew toys,... like you KNOW the perfect vending combo is not trail... THEN you use your VC network to put your stupid vending... like, get some vending machines, buy randomly off... like the state of the art (this is 2012) seems like there's... you ever think what if i just dropped out and just thought... “with the kind of well-defined bone structure that makes... More-gehl-unz or Morga-lonz? Slack automated emails are pretty good sometimes.... what do you guys think of tweeting in rhymed couplets “Germanwings and Airline Safety: Where the Danger (Does... I don't see anything about how toy cast-iron pans should be... I bet people who have serious life illnesses love hearing... Here is the definitive source on PB&J on a wrap... In my fever dream last night a plane crashed into my... i am the entrepreneur in residence of your heart we could stop calling them dick pics and start calling it... does anyone want to go someplace really dark and get like... The word pilcrow (“¶”) exists because paragraphs were... “I must not tweet. Tweets are the mind-killer. Twitter is... You'd be shocked if you knew how many Bay Area men suffer... I went to disrupt the middleman, but when I had built my... I'm such a nerd that I just read Soul II Soul as a boolean... In retrospect no one should have made a website. When BuzzFeed and Gawker fight it's so easy to get... I hate to be reductive but happy 1/5. Sometimes I'm at poetry readings and I think, “they should... Shhh. Brands are watching. I just held a nap race for the little twins. “Who can close... Congratulations to everyone at Gawker who is about to get... At the zoo this monkey was throwing feces at a woman... My son just got out of bed to ask me what I was doing and I... that looks much more fun than living inside a set of nested... For 20 years I've been running an experiment to see if... Say what you will about American politics, but there's a... Woah the reboot of Don't Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus is... never forget https://twitter.com/ftrain/status/5865889680844... shit is about to get very serious for twin toddlers who... If you mix Grey Goose and Old Overholt that's called a Rye...