April 25, 2011 - Breakfast

On her hat are peeps. We threw all the peeps away. Even I won't touch peeps.

On the scale again. Down three pounds. It works. I have to attend an exclusive nerd camp in June and must buy tickets and be on top form. I must give a reading on May 25th as well. I need control. I can see these events in the distance and myself at them. The distance helps.

Had to remember how not to eat whenever I felt like it. Took a long time to remember this. Easiest thing in the world to forget and then once you've forgotten it you can't find it again. It's under some clothes maybe? In the closet with the old musical instruments? Where is the thing that I use to keep from eating all the time? That thing? Is it the brown one or the red one?

Self-control is a small thing, the size of a penlight. If it's not in your pocket you are incredibly likely to lose it. That's why they give you those coins at AA. Here, hold this. This is what it looks like to have distance between yourself and your desire.

There is all this fuss about integrating the body and the mind but sometimes the distance needs to be there. Antiyoga. What I need is to add a few miles between the body and the brain, a few months.

Things thrown onto the floor tend to stay there. They tend to scold and fuss in little voices. I AM STILL HERE PUT ME AWAY. A chorus of them like mewling scabrous kittens. You step around them so they don't bite with their cankerous little mouths.

It's pointless to file everything. Stuff is always rolling off your shelves. The people who try to put everything in its place end up purselipped, nervous, shaky-dog angrytons. I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT THEY WOULD LET THE PARK STAY OPEN AFTER 8:30PM. They are always looking for a supervisor or sending back the steak. Let's get some order in here!

I have a penlight-sized self-control unit that I kept in my pocket but I tossed it off under the sofa and it rolled into some other dimension and I've been poking around trying to get it back. While not really wanting it back. It gives off a whine and an oily smell. It's too bad that the thing that keeps me from losing control is slick on the sides and tends to roll. It makes it hard to put it on a shelf, in a proper place. These things cannot be stored out of sight; they can only be shelved. And if they fall off the shelf you put them back. Again and again and again and again and again until they stay on the shelf.

Weight: 321 lbs