This image was one of four emailed to me by accident yesterday. Some 60th birthday party somewhere in the world, sent along by someone with a bad sense of email. Looks fun, doesn't it?
This video is now a thing:
Some questions:
Do you find yourself thinking that Cee Lo might have a better chance if he kicked a few?
Does Cee Lo build up a thick wall of defenses because he has such a severe weight problem?
Do you allow Cee Lo to be fat because he writes good songs? Is his fat somehow more forgivable to you because he is so funny and entertaining?
Isn't it sad that this video tells a story of a lifetime of obesity and fried food, and the attendant romantic humiliations?
Be honest.
The part that hurts is when Cee Lo does his little number towards the end and you realize he's a dancing barrel. No, Cee Lo! That just gives them more ammunition. The way you hold your arms in front of your belly. The way your shirt is untucked. That lets them hate us more.
All the problems in his life are embodied by this diner: He eats too much, can't get a date, and has to work at shitty jobs. At the same time the timeframe of the video is one of intense social progress as time passes and Black people attain more civil rights. Cee Lo realizes, after the bridge of shame in which he cries, that he is a powerful and viable man, even if he has bitch tits. Yes, Cee Lo! He has decided to let the fat flag fly. He is not filmed from a crane looking down as he looks up; he is not wearing a hippie muumuu or illuminated only about the face, the rest of him in shadow. He is under bright lights and tremendous stress as an international superstar and he is going to have that cupcake.
The video resolves the obvious problem with the song, which is that it's a pathetic lament about being poor sung by a man who is very wealthy and famous. Usually a fat boy's revenge scenario involves coming back to the diner both thin and rich. Cee Lo says: Rich is good enough. And not only that but the woman he desired is now poor! Of course that makes the entire premise wish-fulfillment. The desired woman-object is beautiful and educated. She will not have a career that involves pushing a broom while people dance about her unless she develops an addiction to methamphetamines or crack, or has a major stroke. Cee Lo, on the other hand, is at risk to develop diabetes.
This song would not be as good if he was skinny. The excellence of the song, aside from its very tight arrangement and general production and performance quality, comes partly out of Cee Lo's fatness. The yearnings of a big man are ridiculous entertainment. Love is many things, but it does not jiggle.
Here's another R&B video set in a diner that is about an unattainable woman:
Diners are one of the places I feel safe. The regulars are tolerant of strangers. People leave you alone. The relationship with the waitress is an easy relationship to understand. The pancakes feel wonderful in your mouth. Regrets come later, in the parking lot.
Let's say there are three pancakes to the inch. And I'm 74 inches tall. Maybe 75. So have I in my life eaten my height in pancakes? That's only 222 pancakes--one serving per month for six years. Given that some parts of my life have been very pancake-intense, I have to assume that yes, I have eaten well over my height in pancakes. Which also implies a stick of butter a yard long and a gallon or two of syrup.
What I think when I think about that stick of butter and those pancakes? I think: Awesome.
| Food | Qty | Calories |
|---|---|---|
| Coffee, black, 1 oz. | 8 | 0 |
| Total | 0 |
Weight: 305.5 lbs