One thing, said the counselor, is that you'll really know yourself at the end of this. There's a lot to learn.
(She wore a very long sweater. A signature piece of clothing for women in the emotional trades, no?)
She is right. Already we know ourselves better. The patterns of good cheer, despair, the tendencies to drink and eat, the use of the cats as squealing emotional crutches. But then I wonder: Is there any situation where there is not a lot to learn? Where that is not appropriate? Is it not normal to pick apart every fractional second to find the most humiliating and grisly facts about it, to reduce every interaction to get to the ape behavior? Dominance and territory. Am I maybe doing too much of that? But isn't that what makes me so much fun?
That long sweater meant: I don't want you to cede any territory. Something about draped fabrics indicates peacefulness. Things that flow.
The casual game Bejeweled makes me think of bad moments with old girlfriends. I don't know why. Something about arranging those jewels on my iPhone turns my mind into a registry of romantic failure. I created an exploding gem! Oh god that was terrible, that fight in 1998. I need a purple triangle to fall into place ... ahgh, the time I went to Coney Island with that--aghgh! (That was the time I barely fit into the Cyclone.) I have no idea why that game should evoke those, and only those, memories, but I'm going to stop playing it. I've moved on to new, improved kinds of heartbreak, far more adult and expensive, and more hilarious.
| Food | Qty | Calories |
|---|---|---|
| Cereal, fibrous, 2/3 cup | 1.5 | 120 |
| Coffee, black, 1 oz. | 8 | 0 |
| Milk, no fat, 1 c. | 0.5 | 45 |
| Total | 165 |
Weight: 307.5 lbs