April 21, 2010 - Breakfast

So that was a few months right there. I moved, quit my job, started to smoke a little bit (but just soaked a pack in the sink a few days ago and put it into the trash).

But this new computer that I just purchased is too nice, the monitor too big, the spreadsheets too filled with numbers, to neglect this blog as well. D.R.E.A.M.: Deadlines Rule Everything Around Me. But then again I'll do better for myself if I exercise and update my diet blog.

Strange to get on the scale without knowing what I'd find, and finding myself exactly where I was, at this self-selected plateau. Somehow I have found a weight that I can maintain without much effort, without thinking. It accommodates, at this moment, for a certain amount of junk and bad choices. It is not a healthy weight, but it is a weight that doesn't necessarily interfere with my ability to sit certain places, or to purchase clothing in chain stores.

That said, I live across from the finest park in New York City, with the finest bike path. Which I've been riding here and there. Just getting it rolling again. But soon I'll be thinking in multiples.

So where did I go? Well, I moved, and quit, and smoked, and ate. I retreated to the old regulators instead of counting on the new ones. This site is well and good, but it's not a box of mixed nuts or a bag of chips.

I can't pretend that virtue has o'ertaken me; virtue is purely a side-effect of this cyborg relationship with this website, the cybernetic pairing of body and feedback. Virtue is a side-effect of desire--love for my wife, a need to pursue certain projects, a nearly physical need to get back to writing and thinking and building at a more random, exploratory level after spending five years in a cultural and economic lockbox. My outer-limits fatness was interfering with these joys. Now that I have found a new set of parameters I want to tweak them too. Because if my mind is balanced and my body healthier then maybe some more of those items on my checklist can be done.

Money is no longer a worry. I am at that point in my career where there is always high-paying work, and interesting work. I have more calls than I can handle. I just want to get more done, get ideas out of my head and down on screenpad. I want to hustle rightly and properly. And write a lengthy essay about trying for a child, entitled "The Work of Reproduction in the age of Mechanical Art." And turn this blog into a magazine piece. And really get rolling on the novel and the timelines. And see where the new newspaper column idea takes me.

I may need help. I could hire help, if I could find help that was random enough, someone somewhere who wanted $20/hr to do things for me. Why doesn't the Internet make that easier?

And lose that other 70, or 80, or 50, or whatever it ends up being. It's the body that it always comes back to.

Weight: 291.25 lbs