In my dream I was weighed at the airport and an icon came up on the screen that said BEAR BEAR BEAR, with a bear silhouette; obviously this meant paying more. There was, I understood, some way to shrug off the bear label, if I only clicked the right combination of icons on the scale/ticketing machine. I looked and poked, in vain.
Thus my rampant snacking came into conflict with my rampant cheapness.
I keep quitting my job when I'm in the shower. I love a medium-sized portion of my coworkers but I am deeply unhappy with my options.
Recently I've been talking with people again who understand what I do, my weird set of abilities. This has left me wondering what in the high holy mother of sweet baby Zoroaster am I doing doing what I'm doing?
When I was very fat it was much easier to hide out and feel cocooned. Now that I once again--it's tight, but no longer do I need a seat-belt-extender--can fly on an airplane without putting undue burden on my seatpeers. Oh, a bit of radiant warmth may tickle their arm-hairs, but it's not necessary for flesh to touch. I can squeeze into one of the boxes--business travel--with only some shame.
I wonder if my dream had anything to do with the fact that I am, in fact, again pushing these particular buttons in order to lose weight? And that much of my anxiety about my weight centers on airplane seats?
I need to re-learn to drive.
| Food | Qty | Calories |
|---|---|---|
| Cereal, Flaxen, 3/4 c. | 1.3 | 147 |
| Cereal, fibrous, 2/3 cup | 1.5 | 120 |
| Milk, no fat, 1 c. | 90 | |
| Total | 357 |
Weight: 293 lbs