Dear God
Heading to work and a woman gets on the train, the middle of the car. She seems to be only in dirty underwear and holding bags. Just extremely unwell—screaming, stomping, swearing, repeating things, flopping around. Inchoate stuff. Really sad in there, all cylinders firing. Hard to hear clearly at all. People start moving towards the ends of the train, near me, to switch cars at the next station. But then a guy with a gentle voice tries to calm her down. “Gotta take a breath,” that sort of thing. She can’t process it. She’s not violent to anyone, or attacking anyone, but her body is actually flailing in space. And now she seems to be about to take a shit? Like she’s yelling about it? That’s what it sounds like. I’m getting it through my headphones. Very hard to know what’s happening. The way people are moving away indicates something bad and biological is going down. I’ve seen things. Now everyone is lined up by the door, to switch cars as soon as the next stop. She seems to be screaming about something with her bowels, like she’s sort of both psychically and physically constipated. Absolute agony. “I gotta shit!” Maybe? So confusing. Then suddenly she screams, clear as can be, “I just want to die, I just want to commit suicide.” A beat. And the gentle man’s voice says: “Now that’s crazy talk.”