December 2013 BY Paul Ford 2013 489 Sections omg i had no idea i mean, fair they are the best worst things ever i've moved on, i'm out of the advice business either way it would be interesting copy that biography of Carrie Chapman Catt isn't gonna write... good news Leah I got you a $6000 advance lol no chance leah nothing makes your 30s more bearable than selling 1500... oh man u better start pitching manuscripts sup leah should we get coffee in 2015 DELICIOUS canned clams Is America Prepared for Its Next Seldon Crisis? every time it arrives i feel as if i have been summoned to... only if i can name colors for two straight hours sorry i'm a little late getting back to you, i really... good troll omg r u kidding valentines day is bullshit christmas i caught myself as i was defining a little sub-function to... well also i've been unsubscribing from a lot of things but... "If Susie has a fever below 102° it's okay to start... also to be clear i'm using clojure in emacs to parse... oh god i want to go outside and drink so bad also HAPPY... probably the optimal solution cool tx btw i drank all the rye god thank you The game is played on a 10x10 board with an extra square in... my god this part {{Chess diagram|fen=rnbqkbnr/pppppppp/8/8/8... it's very very very very VERY messy. i've got a very... oh my god imagine nothing changes because i use immutable data structures! no reason for both of us to stay home i can't read this i'm using mosaic to download industrial... oh god leah the listserve is a time machine showing us our... yeah it wasn't even a real tattoo i mean look i was 20 and... this is how they get poor people with the lottery isn't it I was pretty excited and thought maybe it is her and then... oh that i love, it's basically like this alternate universe... You did a really, really good job with that. hacker news threads are often kind of amazing but when they... you know awesome industrial catalogs would make for good... i'm really digging it, also the long-term survival of hobby... exactly yeah it's not that no i agree it's a great point to make and i'm glad you made... so is 2014 tho herpes if only it were that easy but yeah probably you were probably using the web client instead of the... i dunno it was such a gut punch i liked it i was born a dad kids are in bed helen serious question: have you ever, before you hit the town,... sigh. http://www.ebay.com/itm/Simplicity-Knitting-with-Style-Elega... just really nice formal knitwear for a night on the town or... I love the one extended hand; his whole body language asks... the location reflects how i feel more than where i am david screens or it didn't happen oh i dunno it was a pretty great line that truly is a comfortable sound lol yes it is i mean it kind of is Wait wait don't carr me ooooooof can't i just read a few hand-scribbled dijkstra... oh my god i tried to install this it wants access to... oh god no what is this thanks for pitching that to me by the way, appreciate it the google image search for "it's the weekend" is something... i wouldn't say you're overbearing http://www.kelticclothing.co.uk/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013... this was addressed to friendly people i like stories about pandas i already recommended that like hours ago katie thanks, awesome oh god i remember that quote, i love her my life is spent tabbing between chrome, emacs, terminal,... anti-deferentialists are like whatever... swear to god. i would give anything to gaze upon it one... i mean, right? see tim knows what's up not clicking lalalalala pretty much garbage without tube-amped Ethiopian sheepskin... so, thing is, if you aren't listening to it on 1,800 gram... medium, tumblr, & twitter good sources, as are existing... this here internet. if you can pay good freelance rates and... We need bigger keyboards. remember the real enemy here who is definitely rusty baby got backward-sexp is any one of us innocent 💀🍳 he just didn't want it bad enough fair enough olivia this also goes for snapchat just trying to keep up that tweet was kind of for you and for anil so now i'm happy sam be very very careful what you say around here “Appropriative Yin Yang tattoo” busy 3.5 years though see so good for a neighborhood. park slope hates us all. and open late! the car service had a reception area Hey thanks! Wow, that's very kind, unexpected, and much appreciated.... terminator if only for googlebots pointing probes at your... huh! interesting criticisms here:... all white people obvs shopped a dangerous game https://twitter.com/ftrain/status/411931558... depends on if you find 50-year-old strategems for array... kevin i poke you CONSTANTLY even ECMA said no who will moderate EXCEPT NOW I WILL KILL YOU i enjoyed that i trained for years and finally was permitted to ascend... yo mikey you hear that that woman over there just said ban... you can tell you grew up here with that opinion, because... look old-timer we did it your way but can we at least try... yes please if i stop influencing am i still a person oh god oh no we're going to need bigints no no 2014 is the year of global abortion rights and... it's good for the soul to be clear it was not from laughing that i was ready to die she is my nemesis i will enjoy looking at this! closed apis are protecting us from the terrible truth i mean i love me some triples. it's a good abstraction for... kristina i keep scrubbing but i can't wash the tags off my... no no the algorithm starts with "write selenium tests" and... foaf remains okay well that's that then yes i'm thinking like Tag::Gregator on CPAN or something yeah but can you get people to shut up and listen to the... what an epitaph it kind of is a bunker actually how the hell do you turn that thing off oh casey we are just now headed into the long dark night of the... then bubble guppies is the most evil genetic experiment in... i accept! don't worry @xor says not until 2019 although in retrospect maybe someone SHOULD have... true andre did kind of throw a big wet blanket over the... hubot is SUPER useful i hate camping with you THANK YOU can you imagine that magazine It wouldn't be compatible with Reimplement1, that's for... Now I have something I can show people so that they... I know, me too. But so helpful that @mroth wrote it up.... and to work with people who didn't hate each other anil i was an editor why do you think i learned to code reading it i thought, you know, anil really walks the talk.... oh shit sorry was that bullying if you WERE going to do it, you'll never find a better... katie internet suicide is not a joking matter also which... there are now many banjo-accompanied songs that you can... A brand must obey the orders given to it by human beings,... can you make the link color more like the ocean remember tabs? not for me, dan. for the USERS no seriously apparently once you learn it you never go back i mean it's so clearly the most emacsish emacs in all of... I refer you to the seminal volume on inarticulate... i'm against guilty pleasures as a concept but there are... although honestly i'm trying to imagine what you'd be too... i bet you have a public spotify and a secret one under the... it's kind of low tbh be cool please https://twitter.com/ftrain/status/40900612463... oh wow these are amazing i know a lot more about myself... Heh. I mean, yes, basically. It's very inexpensive and you... niiiice it's a really good mode for editing parentheses bobby not always—but more often than anywhere else ooof GOOD QUESTION i think yes because of sexps, although... that is some serious bon mottage i just want to say it out... i would so be watching if i could handle the relentless... Blossom of snow may you bloom and grow If any come to mind—looking for big smart projects so I... So I'd say go ahead and write it, then edit it, and edit... But lots of things STARTED angry and turned into more... Ooof not in the long view. That's an excellent question. It... you have the only good linkedin profile on linkedin I like elisp (and XSLT2 god help me) plus my pal... Building a new thing and miss the workhorse nature of Java.... i've never had that experience, where a site just kills me... i actually just went there to do this ("blogging"!) but the... oh it's all fine, i may even be staying. awesome vine idea this is very very useful Handshakes are a major vector for the transmission of... this is super-impressive and also filled with amazing... brb setting dreams on fire i'm still cool right nah it's okay don't worry about it whoa c.f. my twitter bio, i ALWAYS appreciate it. thank you! have made a lot of progress lately, actually.... noted oh it's actually different it just has one interface... laura those only take three days i'm tired of my mind danny i'm writing a book of essays about web pages. i'll ping you... also! can I interview you about privacy for my book? less xml, fewer makefiles isn't that just articulating the subtext niiiiice okay, so language is not their native language, but those... thank you! whoa check your “kitchen into which a table fits”... he'd be alive and a major donor to the republican party i'm not really a product guy that actually looks...super fun be very careful or you'll end up an early employee of... welp looks like you go under the tree with @leahfinnegan "assistant editor" is code for "not on github" we should get coffee! also that tree was for assistant... i think i know three or four people working on side project... lol “one of my” can you check with the gift guide people and see when their... after a lifetime of bad comedies, that desk cries out for a... i wonder if they have knockoffs on canal st we're all communists between thanksgiving and christmas it is kind of a neat desk they're like please you can't do this i need to check tumblr also have you ever tried to shove an assistant editor under... it is so stressful and you did really well :/ a whole year of the tech press trying to squeeze life out... we're marveling at the work that went into producing it.... whoa i was like come on mark and then you hear that sumbitch... Friendly people: If I were to think hard about debugging,... “We need to get this RIGHT,” said an editor, perspiring... everyone ready for 2014 an adult man stops making drone jokes at midnight oh god this is why amazon called it the mayday button At least we can all agree that the golem was gray. welp the time has come to say goodbye to the listserve fridges should be seen not heard is a good maxim “*Least Important:* What even is a ramen burger?”... “*Least Important:* Every argument that happened on the... “But really, women: Miley, Malala, Michelle O., Beyoncé,... hey @bizweekgraphics for future ref http://mlkshk.com/p/WE5S this cat has no new years resolutions... “Upward mobility for a few hollows out the middle class and... “But we didn’t want any wild lions getting loose in Borough... i'm here stretched out in my swollen diaper holding a... bullshit never takes a holiday yep wow you can really start writing an ORM if you don't watch... this year will never end max We had to cancel date night with a sick toddler so... i dunno adam haven't you often thought to yourself man... don't look away i'm talking to you you might have noticed the word endgame in that last tweet... When it comes to text-based pseudo-markup, this is the... the relentless self-empowerment advice has made me even... better watch this winter fireplace video now before netflix... wellll some of those stagehands make CRAZY good money thank god the times is tackling the real reason our economy... can we say discipline though what is that? that is a, well, it's a mass-produced sea... i will read you any book go ahead and pick out anything and... “Each turkey leg is roughly 720 calories with 36 grams of... “‘Sherlock Holmes belongs to the world, and this ruling... namecoin-powered secure something with little turtles oh wow this is a lot at once http://okturtles.com/ IMPOSSIBLE FOR ENORMOUS PLATFORMS TO VANISH STOP AWAITING... Go figure https://twitter.com/ftrain/status/4165816955809628... “They [Gawker] paint a false picture of software engineers... i just checked levels and this guy is so pegged i thought... “An obscene word was spray-painted on the mural, which... “Lots are priced in both dollars and Bitcoin, with big... if you're having trouble getting to sleep just think about... I wish someone from the FBI Cybercrimes unit would write a... wow Okay so I would like to apologize to the evening knits... One thing they had in 1977 that we have lost in 2013 is the... The Ken Doll in 1977 had a crazy crazy moustache. Fun fact: The person first offered the John McLane role in... it was a good death charlie “‘I said 'shut them cunts up' and they were still warming... clojure is an acceptable arc Breadcrumb trail: “Home » Bjork » Iceland's hidden elves... “It has roughly the same power of an AWS m1.xlarge, and... “Chehalis, in Washington State, also uses an anti-icing... sometimes you gotta use all the punctuation you can to... “(Of what these two were models remains unclear, but I can... seriously mark hurst's fridge is too damn loud... life just becomes an eternal september. soooooo many prisoners are ugly or not billionaires tho... One thing we should all feel good about with this Pussy... the real question is which carr are you you're a scott absolutely here you go @rustyk5 http://www.betcheslovethis.com/article/... emoticons are perfectly valid variable names everyone (defn... “A machine whose internal temperature could be estimated... GREATEST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN every time i check the mailbox “‘When you’re rich, you can afford to say, ‘My god is the... The holidays are the primary mechanism whereby the thin... [5/4] (Appendix) I have searched Internet archive in vain... [4/4] And that's when I decided to move to New York. [3/4] It was a secret shot of the Disney web team, ten... [2/4] Secreted inside the page about the Pocahontas... [1/4] When I was 21 in '95 I sent a resume to Disney in LA... “The spectacle is the map of this new world, a map... “The spectacle is not a collection of images, but a social... The spectacle presents itself simultaneously as all of... “The arc...corresponds to the wide range of cranial form... public service: the manhunter soundtrack from 1986 is... If you want a picture of the future, imagine a bot stamping... I can see why people would have affairs with an AI because... i'm all for learning to code for everyone in the world but... In NYC you can reset a lot of conversations by asking,... yeah that one my fucking god i'm writing so much lisp i read it as sir M-x a lot jesus christ rusty “He really wanted a giant ass in the video, and he wanted... now i want the real zeno game though where he can jump... “An hour with the angels is about all we can take.”... look the good news is “Mr. Goldstein also won a suit filed by the Pillsbury... “After three years and two trials his conviction in the... “responsibilities towards” is an odd phrase as if... corollary is that you have no responsibilities towards me just to be clear i have no responsibilities towards you... “The...more obvious reason is the responsibility I have to... that plank in mine own eye stings like hell today “*Head to VIBE Vixen to learn more about this female... i'm like the cassandra of the internet but the FUN... “The answer is no.” http://www.nytimes.com/2013/12/18/sports... remember that your jokes are the dad jokes of tomorrow “Russia is not a rich country, and many torchbearers have... “The flame had set people on fire only on three occasions,... shouldn't we all say thank you skeleton crew “But on its 17th birthday, I’d like to acknowledge the... yeah but does lisp even offer function hashing by string... Scientist: Cats don't gaf http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AEe... also when you click through the robot handjob story is a... oh huh. true. fuck it just use a cylon shot from battlestar no one's even... “And in Antioch, Calif., a man who could not swim tried to... “But it all happened.” http://www.grantland.com/blog/hollywo... “‘Thank God toddlers don’t carry weapons.’”... Bay ridge is great everybody Chicken chicken chicken http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yL_-1... “The hunt to own the lucrative local advertising market,... My favorite media concern trolling of 2013 was the NYT... That last link cached (thanks @D_W_Roberts)... “This isn’t just Worse Is Better, this is ‘Worse Is All You... “The President of IBM just called and fuck your thesis,... i don't know how it would work but it will probably need at... it's obvious we're going to need to infect iranian monkeys... “He said the monkey was named Fargam and had been returned... “Iran Say It Sends Second Monkey Into Space, Brings It Back... Whoosh the http://archive.org TV news search interface is a... “Her attacker was nestled all snug in his bed,/While... reportrepreneur http://valleywag.gawker.com/jessica-lessin-t... This is a nice neighborhood! This is the East Village!... “Why do I watch from the sidelines, while the wicked and... “When she went abroad she would smuggle the live snails out... what ever happened to just good old fashioned reading the... a weird thing i just learned is that the internet archive... landlines i honestly don't know if i can take another year of this... Hatredcon used to be really cool but it just gets worse... You guys could keynote together except that would be... like a site that would tell you which hashtags were... “There have never been so many sequins on things as there... things are the new tabs in 2013 so many people squinted with open mouths and nodded... a year in which so many things were, briefly, a thing the year of tabs the year of 20 million songs available at all times the year of surprisingly good mainstream tech journalism the year of bros it's almost over last call everyone oh man why did i agree to speak at hatredcon “‘You’re a pretty monkey, and you know where *all* the... “I want this laptop cord more than I have ever wanted... wha "> is it a guy with a big nose in side profile or is it... Please rename this page “the alphabet of lost opportunity”... christmas content marketing content content curation... so like this http://technorati.com/tag/ but not so oh god... no one mention rdf i swear to god Is there a scraper that exists that just aggregates tags... “We fact-check every story at MATTER.”... The fictional people on TV don't know you exist, while the... jk there is no role for cultural theorists in the future... [Future cultural theorist looks up from his console.] “OH... Everyone knows TV is not real right. The people on the TV... oh nothin just influencin “‘You know it’s somebody who really cares about that... implementing oauth flow is fun you pronounced “inclusive” wrong and thus must be killed washington post honors mandela legacy by dividing world... “‘The organization Keep Life Legal asked the question:... Beatrix Potter in the public domain in 2014:... “The Afrikaner guards stood above with rifles.”... “Photographing live sea urchin.”... How come no one writes about how they could clone a given... “I got caught watching YouTube videos on my iPhone in bed.”... But WHAT do chickens rule? What sort of STRUCTURE do they... “Chickens rule—the editors firmly believe they are the... “(Spoiler alert: ‘I see donkeys in our future,’ she... Correction that is The Old Radio Times @ftrain regrets the... The latest Old Time Radio Times has an amazing... If there was a conference dedicated to web user... “The Elephant’s Foot could be the most dangerous piece of... “‘Our proposed monument, as an homage to the... “Emojitracker wasn’t my first megaproject, but it is... lol rusty most coders are CAKE compared to editors teach america to say “email” without making it sound like a... maybe we could set our sights a little lower and teach... LEARN TO CODE SWITCH BEFORE YOU LEARN TO CODE, SWITCH... to hell with everyone i'm out of here [revs moped to 18MPH] to hell with everyone i'm using component as an adjective [looks out on burning city] we are all brands now [buries... we are all brands now I hope the new Facebook AI lab can find ways to help brands... i remember though i cannot pretend this “IF A YOUTH WHO HAS NOT KNOWN A WOMAN SUFFERS A PROLAPSE OF... does anyone know how to make favicons stop blinking in... enterprise ecosystem development platform “The ranks of the poor have risen, with almost half of New... ecosystem development platform “As wind turbines are essentially...designed to take down... Took all Sunday but I finally achieved snapchat zero. “Because if I had to identify a single element that... “Every civil servant in Britain is now being trained in... “They had absorbed all the eclecticism of rock music and... “While still the 25th most popular site on the Internet and... a good rule for life is that articulate is only a verb “[u]nlike most geeks, she is surprisingly articulate.”... did you see how there's a cat reflected in the mirror but... NPR perfectly predicted the future of Bitcoin in 2011:... “Ninety-eight percent of Karelis’s volunteers reported that... “I could go to the Rolling Stone office and fucking shit on... “With my fake beard in the *variation B*, I had a *35%* of... “Maybe rudeness, in our democratically challenged age, has... what an interesting knucklehead paredit's documentation is the most emacs documentation in... occasional reminder of this Mark Slouka essay against... “We’re calling this release Medium 1.0 because we feel it... This is some A+ great dads right here... Uber for pensions. “‘This is not a selfie. This is an act of war.’”... For reasons of procrastination I am trying to map... It feels like the underlying philosophy of Clojure is, “you... “I can't believe lower-middle-class people under career... whoo another journalist-baiting nerd hoax that is sending... oh no i think many many people give it very very serious... In a deeply Brooklyn moment, the construction firm where I... “Branded entertainment, which marries marketing and... The future is so goofy. “‘I’ve never owned a computer server,’ said Bobby Murphy, a... Columbo on a space station. I would totally watch a Rockford Files reboot set in a... What can we learn from “What can we learn from” articles? oh man a thing just launched that looks just like my thing... “In the 4 1/2 years they’d been business partners, and... This has been in my head so I wrote it down: “What I’ve... “In training centers around the world, American soldiers... “‘We pursued distractions and called them enhancements.’”... “The punishing economics of being a stand-alone weekly can... Oracle will make great drones but charge $30,000 per rotor. Apple drones will cost twice as much and only fly along a... The clojure client for neo4j is called "neocons," which is... I mean why even make a lot of money if this is all you can... At $60,000 this is the kind of multifunctional furniture... “At almost $60,000, this is not the kind of multifunctional... I have this same fear, along with my death being meme... nothing gets america angrier than someone in a service-ish... i was going to commit to some new years resolutions but... For xmas my wife taught herself enough python to write a... Merry Christmas from the Ford family!... remember when lame people came onto your awesome social... Dear Early 2013 Self, Database column names are no place... then came the day when google announced it would sunset the... Facebook drones will just hover wherever teenagers...