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Sunday, June 11, 2000
I am not over 18
By Paul Ford
I am just a young'n.
Sorry, li'l onanist, no dice! You may be having funny feelings down there in your deepest places, but according to God and the law of the United States of America, you're not allowed to do anything about it except get married. Although, if you're a chick, it's socially appropriate for men 46 times your age to lust after you. The thing is, since you're young, you basically have no rights and no one likes you. But that's all right, because sooner or later all rights will be so badly eroded that we'll all be children to the state, and everyone'll have to go through what you're going through for the entirety of their lives, a whole nation of sexually confused 18 year olds consuming hair-care products and going to big concerts. Or maybe it's already too late....
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