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Monday, March 27, 2000
By Paul Ford
I am in the process of constructing a giant fire-breathing robot, which will beat up bullies, and it's taking a lot of time to get the servomotors integrated. It might be slightly longer than 14 days for Ftrain proper to come back. Maybe it'll be 20 days total.
It all depends if I can get my delta nozzle adjustment spanner from Consolidated Undulated Prong, Inc. If anyone in the tri-state area can loan me a delta nozzle adjustment spanner (and can afford the crane hatch tubing to get it into the warehouse, as well as the airborne transport costs) I'd really appreciate it.
If you have any bullies, let me know, and I'll send TOBOR3000I over to your neighborhood to beat the shit out of them.
In the meantime, steady readers will be glad to know that:
1. I will come back, unlike the other times, when I said "I will come back, unlike the other times, when I said, 'I will come back, unlike the other times'" and didn't. You have my word on it, as a churchgoer.
2. I will be doing a collaborative project with a star of the Web journal firmament. That will launch in the next few days. 10 pts if you can tell me what Richard Russo novel features an older woman using the phrase "star of my firmament."
3. I recently read something so badly put together in an online magazine that I really wish I could share it with all of you, because you'd all hoot with laughter. But it would be mean, and you know, I'd get caught, somehow, through the referer logs. So I want to let everyone know: if I ever write anything really embarassing and terrible, feel free to link to me and hoot with laughter. Anyway you can get a laugh, get it, and to fuck with my feelings.
4. Writers: avoid writing lists, one-sentence paragraphs, and self-referential statements.
5. Writers: avoid giving advice about writing.
7. Ftrain is going to split in two, like an amoeba. The technical essays will go into NetSubstance.com, where I'll be collaborating with Jim Esch. The dramatic narrative about Scott, Paul, and a whole cast of others will continue here.
8. I just need to revise the Ftrain software to make it all work. The trouble is, I'm slowwitted.
9. The author of this message will self-destruct in 10 seconds.
ABOUT THIS SITE
The Ftrain is a subway line in New York City, operated by the NYC MTA. It runs from 179th St. in Queens to Coney Island, Brooklyn, via Manhattan. In Manhattan, the Ftrain stops at Radio City Music Hall, Macy's, and in the West and East Village. In Brooklyn, the Ftrain stops at Smith&9th St. Smith&9th is the highest elevated stop in New York City, at 90 feet above the Gowanus Canal. In one direction, it offers a view of Red Hook, below the mouth of the East River, and the Staten Island ferry can be spotted. Looking from the other side, one can see the lower skyline of Manhattan.